Beating the Odds
As I write this Introduction, I can happily say that I have beat the odds –
and rather handily. The latest statistics show that in the United States,
life expectance for males is 73.2 years, down from 74.2 years in the prior
study. In a recent study, women’s life expectancy dropped by .8 years
from 79.9 years in 2020 to 79.1 years. So, at age 85, I have reached what
the experts consider to be “Exceptional Longevity.” Thank You.
Mentor and Guide
Throughout my most recent forty-two years on this beautiful yet messy
planet, I have taken on various roles, including that of a business owner
with over 40 employees. Alongside providing employment, I have also
acted as a mentor and guide to my staff, offering advice, guidance, and
support for life’s challenges. This is a responsibility that I have gladly
accepted, as I saw the need for it and wanted to help in any way. As a
Deacon in a congregation of more than 700 families, a spouse of 63
years, a father, grandfather, and great-grandfather, I have heard and, by
association, experienced the difficulties of single men and women desiring
a suitable partner and a longer- term relationship in what has become
a mostly “hook up” culture. For those with a genuine desire for longevity,
the sorting out process can be exhausting and have a high failure rate.
Also, those who sincerely desire longevity are often accused of having
“unreasonable expectations.”
I have heard the woes and blessings (more woes, of course, for these
are the ones seeking advice on how to improve their relationships) of
spouses (men and women) with every range of marital issues: infidelity,
incompatibility, lack of respect, not being appreciated, worry, fear, in-law
issues, addictions, pregnancy, sexual dissatisfaction, and rebelliously troublesome
children. Many of these were longer-term married people who
had experienced some of these issues from the onset but never took steps
to improve their situation. Some of these issues spread across the spectrum
of second and third marriages with blended families. Additionally,
I have provided pastoral visitations at jails and prisons and counseled
people with fear, anxiety, scrupulosity, stress, depression, unhappiness,
and pessimism issues.
Imparting Wisdom and Advice
I live on both sides of the Pulpit. Formally preaching and always being
pressed to impart wisdom and advice on a long list of issues we face in
our present culture are areas in which I have extensive experience. My
teenagers and yours are trying to navigate a world they did not create but
find themselves living in. They do not realize that we, their parents and
grandparents, are trying to do the same. Cultural changes are difficult
to navigate, and many may differ from what is best for their well-being
and ours.
Rebellion happens because teens’ needs, experiences, and behavioral patterns
are much more influenced by social media than by family ties. This,
too, is a reality that most adults in their families have difficulty relating
to, which causes everyone’s patience to be short and stress to be high.
Whether it be smartphone time and content, raging hormones, or just
the frustration of being old enough to make some decisions in their life –
our teens are torn between the culture and parents and grandparents
whose highest motives, for the most part, are love and wanting what is
best for them. Like it or not, we are all a part of this current generation
heavily tethered to our smartphones, and it is only getting worse.
We can all use some abstinence, but the pull is so pervasive that we are
going the other way. According to the latest statistics, Baby Boomers
(1946-1964) spend 52% of their day on their smartphones. Gen X
(1965-1979) and Millennials (1980-1994) spend 67% of their day, and
Gen Z (1995-2012) spends 76% of their day on their smartphones. So,
instead of railing at teens for spending so much time on the phone, start
by cutting your time back and showing an example that it can be done.
Your teens will not believe it can be done because they see you as unable
or unwilling to be more disciplined. You might want to make it a family
project. Making time for family dinner or whatever meal is convenient
at home or in a restaurant with the provision that everyone keeps their
phone tucked away and allows it to take messages.
Lengthen Your Life and Make You Happier
Each chapter in this book is focused on a positive attribute that seeks to
lengthen your life, make you happier, and put you more in control. In
some cases, I will also present the opposite (harmful habit or practice)
that could take years off your life expectancy and most likely contribute
to the unhealthy practices we sometimes engage in. Additionally, practical
steps, processes, and behavioral patterns are illustrated to lead you to
live a longer life and attain a level of happiness that will make your days
and years more joy-filled, positive, and lengthened.
Over the years, through personal counseling, writing, preaching, and
taking enough time to listen and care, I have helped thousands of people
in various situations to see things on a brighter side and enjoy life more.
So, I felt that it was time for me to write this book, “Living Longer,
Happier and More in Control of Your Emotions and Circumstances.”
“Circumstances do not make the (person). They
just reveal him to himself. Once revealed,
progress can take place.” – Dale Carnegie.
Faith Factor
I will also introduce a concept I identify as a Faith Factor. In every aspect
of life, there is a Faith Factor. As you read this book or engage in any
study, you will exercise a certain amount of faith in receiving the data,
statistics, research, examples, and advice presented. You have a choice
to painstakingly verify every bit of data submitted to assure its 100%
accuracy or to exercise a reasonable amount of faith that since stating that
I took the time and effort to check and recheck the accuracy of the data,
(this is one of my passions in life, to dig beneath the surface of things and
find its core value or fault and I take it very seriously) you will presume
it is accurate and move on. There is probably not a day that you and I do
not exercise the Faith Factor.
In our homes, we flip a light switch, and without understanding the
intricate details about how electrical currents do what they do to produce
light when we flip the light switch, we expect the light to come on, and
it does. Our water faucet acts similarly. We know that water comes from
the ‘pipes’ somewhere in and under our house, but in faith, we turn the
spigot on, and water comes out.
When driving our car, the faith factor is present in more severe ways. If
we are on a two-lane road with traffic running opposite ways, we keep
on our side of the line, having faith that the drivers coming in the opposite
direction will stay on their side of the line and not cause a head-on
collision.
Each time we fly in an airplane, the faith factor kicks in a notch higher.
We get on the plane without understanding how this large vehicle with
bunches of passengers manages to stay in the sky while we are in the air
and then land on the ground safely when it reaches our destination. But
we shrug off the doubts and board the plane.
So, when it comes to the Faith Factor process, many of us act spontaneously
based on practicality, experience, and need, which primarily
works well for us. Going forward, we will build on these good traits to
take them to the next level of success.
By acknowledging acts of faith that we perform daily, we can reflect on the
existence of a benevolent power greater than ourselves and other human
beings. As A Deacon of the Catholic Church, I tend to rely on the faith
and its teachings as my go-to faith factor. So, as you will see in the preceding
chapters, I have dedicated this section to its values, principles, and
teachings. I believe that spirituality in life is very important. Hopefully,
you will find peace, blessing, and meaning in the biblical teachings I have
incorporated in this book.
“The ultimate purpose of life is to find joy,
contentment, and satisfaction in one’s pursuits
and relationships.” – Thomas Aquinas.
Purpose of this book
Finally, there are many books written by therapists and other trained
clinicians on the topics of anxiety and fear, along with their ancillary
effects on life. These therapeutic approaches promote such techniques as
CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), which includes muscle relaxation
and meditation, Cognitive Restructuring Exposure Therapy (CRET),
Relaxation Techniques, Present Moment Awareness (PMA), and various
forms of exercise. The list goes on. While I am not dismissing the efficacy
of these and other forms of therapy and techniques, current statistical
evidence reports that 1 in 5 American adults continue, each year, to suffer
from anxiety and fear and their ancillary effects.
Consequently, the purpose of this book is not to repeat these methods in
detail but to look at newer aspects of our broader behavioral patterns that
lead to reduced life expectancy, constant stressors, negative contributions
to healthy relationships, and the things that rob us of our happiness.
To that end, each chapter will deal with the broader topic of personal
growth and development to help you first understand root causes and
apply manageable techniques that lead you to find the courage and peace
to become the person you desire to be.
