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Alan Hovhaness Virtual Book Tour

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Unveiling One of the Great Composers of the 20th Century

 
Biography

 

Date Published: October 28, 2025

 

Publisher: Peanut Butter Publishing

 

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In the year 2000, after Alan’s death, Hinako Fujihara-Hovhaness started
writing poems, which was the only way she could cope with her great loss. They
were written with her limited English, yet they were spontaneous and poignant,
straight from her heart. After she had written hundreds of poems, it was not
enough. Hinako started writing stories from my memories about Alan, events she
had experienced with him.
To Hinako, “Alan was a master of
counterpoint and an intellectual, yet he had many different sides to his
personality, from being a polite, distinguished gentleman to a wild savage,
idealistic, and old-fashioned man to sexy womanizer. He understood human
nature and emotion, and I think that is why his music touches people’s
hearts and is loved by them, even though his music is built on an intellectual
foundation”.

 

 

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 EXCERPT

Foreword


In David Ewen’s seminal book from 1982 about American composers, he begins his entry 
about Alan Hovhaness:

“One of the most prolific composers of the 20th century, with some three hundred compositions 
in all media and most in large structures to his credit. Hovhaness has arrived at an 
individuality of style by synthesizing the music of the Western world with that of the East.”

In reading Hanako Hovhaness’s wonderful book about her husband and their life together, 
I am reminded of Hovhaness the man, husband, and philosophical thinker. Each of those personas 
were reflected in his music. He was always true to his art and created a very large body 
of work that, no matter how they are influenced from Japan to India and Armenia, has a clear 
and poetic compositional voice.

He started writing music in the 1930s but was more broadly noticed as a student at Tanglewood 
in 1942. From all reports, it was not a good time for Hovhaness, but he established 
himself as an independently thinking composer even then. He certainly embraced particularly 
trendy forms such as aleatory, but as he wrote: “To me, atonality is against nature. There 
is a center to everything that exists. The planets have a sun, the moon the earth. The reason I 
like oriental music is that everything has a firm center. All music with a center is tonal. Music, 
without a center is fine for a minute or two, but it soon sounds all the same. Things which 
are very complicated tend to disappear and get lost. Simplicity is difficult, not easy. Beauty is 
simple. All unnecessary elements are remover-only essence remains.”

I first played Hovhaness’s music as a high school trumpet student performing his Prayer of 
St. Gregory. I was struck by playing a living composer who wrote music that was very beautiful 
and yet playable by students of every level. Interestingly, even today his music is better 
known by younger students than professionals.

In my article for Gramophone magazine in 2019 about important, lesser-known American 
composers, I wrote this about Hovhaness:

“I met Alan Hovhaness (1911–2000) when I was 16, recording his work for trumpet and 
band, Return and Rebuild the Desolate Places. His music is played often, but usually by student 
groups. It is very melodic, usually not too difficult to perform, and each piece selectively is 
evocative of the music of Armenia, India, Hawaii, Japan, Korea or America. Alan was always 
a very spiritual person, drawing on nature for inspiration. He also prided himself on his use 
of counterpoint and was disappointed his works were not studied in counterpoint classes.”

He was highly prolific, having written approximately seventy symphonies. Like Haydn, the ones with titles are the ones most often programmed. His second symphony, Mysterious 
Mountain, is an evocative work, combining traditional white note (on the piano) melodies 
and harmonies with an underlying accompaniment often sounding not only harmonically unrelated 
but gesturing apart from the main material. The work has numerous solos for woodwinds 
and brass. It also contains an extraordinary double fugue in the second movement, 
and it ends with an exquisite full-bodied chorale for the entire orchestra. It was premiered by 
Stokowski during his opening concert as music director of the Houston Symphony in 1955. 
Reiner recorded it with Chicago in 1958, which helped make Hovhaness’s reputation. In the 
last fifteen years, while it has had many performances, I could only find a handful by professional 
orchestras, other than my own. In fact, when I recorded it for PBS television with the 
All-Star Orchestra in 2016, many members of the orchestra, loving the work, asked why they 
had never heard the piece before. These were players from America’s most important orchestras. 
Most composers of his time did not accept Hovhaness into their circle because of his 
simpler style. There were exceptions such as Howard Hanson and Lou Harrison. I remember 
David Diamond always speaking highly of him, especially during our time together in Seattle.

There have been several important conductors who have supported Hovhaness, including 
Stokowski, Kostelanetz, and Reiner. Both Dennis Russel Davies and I have continued to perform 
his works, and others such as Ozawa, Ehrling, and Rostropovich have performed his music.

On the 23rd of April 2001, a Hovhaness memorial concert was held in Seattle’s Benaroya 
Hall and subsequently repeated in New York. For the first time the concert hall waived its 
rental fee. I read out a letter from composer Lou Harrison that declared Hovhaness “one of 
the great melodists of the 20th century” and “a master to us all.” I paid the following tribute 
when speaking to the Seattle Times: “He was trying to add beauty and sensitivity to the world. 
He cared deeply about goodness and about nature, and he has had a tremendous impact. I’ve 
known Alan since 1963, throughout it all, even in the times when his music wasn’t so fashionable, 
he stuck to his thinking and to his distinctive style, which had a passion and a great 
reserve. He stood out. Alan was amazing, he was one of the great composers of our time.”

In 2011, I lead a weeklong celebration of the 100th anniversary of Alan’s birth with the 
Seattle Symphony. I’ve recorded eight CDs of his music and continue to preform works each 
season and with great public success. His music has lived on and will continue to because of 
its beauty and passion.

– Gerard Schwarz, Music Director: All-Star Orchestra; Frost  
Symphony Orchestra; Palm Beach Symphony; Eastern Music 
Festival; Conductor Laureate: Seattle Symphony; Conductor 
Emeritus: Mostly Mozart Festival Distinguished Professor of 
Conducting at the Frost School of Music at the University of Miami

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Alan Hovhaness Blitz

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Alan Hovhaness cover

Unveiling One of the Great Composers of the 20th Century

 
Biography

 

Date Published: October 28, 2025

 

Publisher: Peanut Butter Publishing

 

good reads button
In the year 2000, after Alan’s death, Hinako Fujihara-Hovhaness started
writing poems, which was the only way she could cope with her great loss. They
were written with her limited English, yet they were spontaneous and poignant,
straight from her heart. After she had written hundreds of poems, it was not
enough. Hinako started writing stories from my memories about Alan, events she
had experienced with him.
To Hinako, “Alan was a master of
counterpoint and an intellectual, yet he had many different sides to his
personality, from being a polite, distinguished gentleman to a wild savage,
idealistic, and old-fashioned man to sexy womanizer. He understood human
nature and emotion, and I think that is why his music touches people’s
hearts and is loved by them, even though his music is built on an intellectual
foundation”.

 

 

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Juunyork Virtual Book Tour

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Biography, LGBTQ, Romance

Date Published: August 3, 2022

Publisher: Gatekeeper Press

 

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The Final Chapter is a true story about a romance between a man, Brandon,
who falls in love with a Brazilian social media influencer, Junior. The
story begins on the first day they meet and follows them through the next
eight months of their relationship. It ends with their final tragic day
together.

Each month shows the progress of their journey and the role social media
plays in their love. It outlines the current fashion of LGBTQ dating
involving apps, open relationships, and the evolving meaning of exclusivity.
Witness their passionate sexual experience, their romance, explosive
outbreaks, and multiple vacations.

In their final months together, feel their love before it is destroyed by a
tragic accident.

 

Juunyork paperback

EXCERPT

Day 1 

I wish I could say I met Junior at a store or a restaurant or we had some amazing occurrence where we locked eyes and had a cute awkward encounter, but that was not the case. I met Junior on an app that many of us know all too well in the gay world, “Grindr”. One night, I got a message from a very attractive Brazilian man and our sexual preferences seemed to be a good match. We began talking that night for a little bit, but unfortunately I had plans that evening and told this guy to please save me as a favorite and we would circle back. I went to sleep early that night once I got home and moved on to the next day as normal. I worked my normal 8-5 and messaged a few other guys throughout the day on this app. As the evening approached, I had a friend’s birthday dinner to celebrate. I never knew that evening, I would be meeting someone who I would fall desperately in love with. However, I would have to go through a few twists and turns before this encounter occurred. 

I wrapped up my day at 5:00 o’clock and was planning to celebrate somewhat of a new friend’s birthday. The event was occurring around 8:00 that evening. I went to the gym as normal after work and then took a shower and began getting dressed for the evening. I decided to check Grindr again and remembered the attractive Brazilian I was chatting with the night before. I reached out and asked how he was doing. He gave me a quick response. He would be in the Orlando area that evening but would have to go back home that night, which was about an hour away. I responded that I would like to see him tonight, but had a birthday party to attend first, but I would reach out to him that evening. He gave me a thumbs up or some type of quick response to let me know he understood. 

I went to attend the birthday party that night. I began driving downtown, which is about 30 minutes away from me. About half way to the event, I realized I had forgotten my driver’s license at the gym and had to turn around and travel to the gym first. You will realize throughout this story, I am a bit forgetful and I stress myself out pretty routinely. I would love to say Junior helped me with this, but he was just as forgetful as me and lived his life without much organization or structure. 

But anyways back to the birthday event. I finally made it to the club downtown that evening. I provided my ID that I finally had to the staff and entered the party. The party was a great time. I was able to meet a few people and have a few drinks. I posted a picture while at the event and tagged the location. Over the next hour, 2 or 3 guys that lived downtown had reached out to me from that photo asking if I wanted to link up that evening after my party. One was a prior fling that had lasted about 2 months. The other was a guy that I had experimented with prior as well. I know this does not put me in the best light and it makes me seem that I had hooked up with many people. However, the truth was I had been single for almost 2 years and I had met many guys in the Orlando area. As I went to the bathroom, I checked our favorite app and realized another gentleman that I had been talking to prior wanted to see what I was doing that night. I checked to see if the Brazilian had responded or sent any further messages, but he did not. 

I ordered one final drink at the event. As you get to know me in this story more, you will not be surprised that I ordered the drink and then ended up spilling it a few minutes later when attempting to take a photo with some friends. At this time, I decided it was probably time for me to leave. I made my way to my car and continued entertaining messages from my social media and Grindr. As I got into my car, I decided to send another message to the cute Brazilian. If you have ever used these apps, you will realize, you typically do not send multiple messages in a row or you come off as that annoying person and you will quickly be blocked or deleted. I wrote a simple message “what are you up to”. I received a response pretty quick that he was in the area but pretty tired. I continued responding to some of the other guys, but something inside of me really wanted to meet this one. Physically, he was very much my type and I think that I liked that I had to chase him a bit. As I was heading home, we were chatting back and forth and he advised he would want to see me and I thought for sure he would be coming over. I finally made it home and took a shower and prepped for the event that he would be stopping by. 

I do think it’s time to explain in the gay world, that it is typical we sometimes will hook up upon meeting each other on this app and typically we are using this app for sexual needs. I had put on a pair of gym shorts and something that was comfortable in order to meet this guy that I was excited to see. As I finished getting ready, I received a message that he was very tired and would need to go home. I was frustrated at this point and ended up sending one final current picture in hopes that he would come over. Needless to say, it was a bit of a sexual photo. He quickly responded that he was tired, but he now wanted to come over. He said he would be there in 20 minutes or so. I was excited, but I myself was getting a little bit tired as I had drank and also had work in the morning. 

About 30 minutes later, I received a knock on the door. I opened the door and it was this man who had a very aggressive demeanor. I attempted to give him a hug, but it was a bit awkward. We both entered my room and immediately began connecting. I was shocked at our physical connection and his aggression in a way. He was very direct with what he wanted, but it was one of the most sensual experiences I had encountered in a long time. We were physical for almost an hour. He was so dominant and aggressive and that was something I found very attractive. He told me exactly what he wanted done to him and advised what positions he wanted me in for both his pleasure and mine. He was so giving sexually and did many things that were directed at pleasing me which I had not had someone do in a while. Most of the time, guys are more concerned at what is pleasurable to them, but do not focus on the other person involved. However, that was not the case this time. During this sexual encounter, he began kissing my neck and even my face. He would whisper things in my ear that we were very good sexual partners together and that he had not felt this good in a long time. 

Before our encounter, we had described things that turned each other on. During this hour, we both continued doing these things to each other and it made the experience so sensual. Upon both of us climaxing, we laid together for about 15 minutes. We both cleaned up in the bathroom and made small talk that this was very fun and that it felt extremely good for the both of us. Unfortunately, again, in the gay world this is somewhat common. We normally will discuss how it was good and that we should meet again, but most of the time we move on with our lives with little response or communication. 

As we exited the room, we walked through my living room and we were approaching the front door. I was planning to give him a small hug and let him know to reach out soon, but he stopped me and said, I want to know more about you. I was a little bit surprised and asked what he wanted to know. He said he just wants to talk and to get to know me more. At that time, it was almost midnight and I still had to work early in the morning. I advised him I was pretty tired and maybe we could catch up another day. He said he just wanted to talk for 10-15 minutes and then he would leave. I had never had a guy be so direct and was a bit surprised. We were nearing my kitchen and I said we could talk a little bit if that is what he would like to do. Trying to be clever and ensure this would not be an awkward situation, I advised him we could each ask 10 questions and we both had to answer the questions. I told him he could start. He first asked “What do you do for work?” I provided my answer to him and then asked him what he does. He smiled a little and said, I kind of have a weird profession, but I am trying to become a comedian. I made a joke that it sounded like he does not have a real job. He began laughing so hard and said he had never had anyone be so direct with him before. I smiled and said you were the one who wanted to talk and get to know me. 

I then asked him “Where are you from?” He had told me he was from Brazil and then advised that he would take me soon since we have a pretty good connection. I made a joke that he was pretty cocky, but I liked it. I told him about being from the small town of Inverness, Florida. He laughed and told me he had never heard of that before, but since he was going to take me to Brazil, he would take a trip with me to Inverness. He could not pronounce it, and I had to explain how to say it several times. I then told him that the small town of Inverness hosts a pretty spectacular “Cooter Festival.” I had to explain to him it was a festival about turtles. Honestly, you just need to Google it to see for yourself. We could not stop laughing through these few minutes. 

His next question was very direct. He asked about my past relationships. I was not prepared to go into my major heartbreak that I had, but did tell him about my prior marriage, which was significant in my life as well. I was with a man for 7 years and we were married for one. I told him I was a 26 year old divorced man. He said he was happy I had told him. It became pretty serious at that time and truthfully I was a bit surprised I was explaining this to a man I had just met a little over an hour ago. There were times I hid that information for weeks or months when talking with guys. 

We then discussed our favorite foods, favorite color, favorite vacations, and continued talking for an hour I quickly forgot which question we were on and I was loving just talking to you and seeing your passion and smile as you told me things about you. As time progressed, it was almost 2:00 in the morning. We had not moved from my kitchen, where I was sitting on the countertop and you were still standing. 

I had told you that I really liked talking with you, but I think it was time that you left because I had to be up soon for work. I went to give you a hug and say goodbye, but you told me that I needed to walk you to the door and give you a proper goodbye because that would mean I plan to see you again. I followed your direction and walked you to the door. I gave you a hug goodbye and you kissed me on the cheek and said that you would wait to see me again. As I went to sleep that night, I could not stop but ponder how unique this evening was.

 

 

About the Author

Brandon McKinney

Brandon McKinney is a twenty-seven-year-old currently pursuing his master’s
degree in global strategic communications. He obtained his bachelor’s degree
in marketing from the University of Florida. He is a Florida native. He
loves traveling, animals, and hopes to one day have a big family. In his
spare time, he is active in many sports leagues in the Orlando area. This is
his debut novel.

 

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Patsy Swayze: Every Day, A Chance to Dance Virtual Book Tour

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Biography

Date Published: July 12, 2022

Publisher: Passion Spirit Dreams Press

 

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The book honors and celebrates Patsy Swayze. There are twenty-nine
interviews which include her students, colleagues, and friends. Their
stories showcase what a trailblazer she was and the extent of her influence
on them and on the world. Many of her students continue to carry forward her
legacy by following in her giant dance footsteps. There are sixty-four
photos, most in color and rarely seen, which help tell this story.

Patsy Swayze was an icon in the dance and performing arts world for decades
as a dancer, teacher, mentor, and choreographer. Her work includes founding
the Houston Jazz Ballet, teaching at the University of Houston, running her
own dance studios, and choreographing for Theatre, Incorporated, Playhouse
Theatre, and Hollywood movies. She inspired thousands of dance students,
many of whom went on to become professionals in the performing arts, and
instilled in all students a strong work ethic and set of values. With that
said, she was most proud of her family and thought her greatest achievement
was being the mother of five children.

Of course, Patsy had one very famous student, her beloved son Patrick,
known as “Buddy” to family and friends. The book touches on the
relationship between Patsy and Buddy, and Buddy’s life. Another renowned
student is Jaclyn Smith, who kindly granted a full-length interview about
her experiences with Patsy.

Patsy was a pioneer in opening her dance classes and her heart to all
students, regardless of race, economic, or cultural background, and this was
no small feat in the fifties and sixties in Houston. In addition, Patsy was
known to be extremely philanthropic.

Patsy Swayze continues to touch the lives of multitudes of people,
including the author’s life. In today’s world it is especially wonderful to
have such a hero, someone who gave so much to others and has left such a
profound legacy.

Patsy Swayze: Every Day, A Chance to Dance tablet

EXCERPT

INTRODUCTION

I have written this book to honor and celebrate Patsy Swayze. I hope that reading the stories of some of her students, colleagues, and friends as to how they were influenced by her will showcase what an icon and trailblazer she was and the extent of her influence on them and on the world. Many of her students continue to carry forward her legacy by following in her giant dance footsteps. 

Patsy was an icon in the dance and performing arts world for decades as a dancer, teacher, mentor, and choreographer. Her work includes founding the Houston Jazz Ballet, teaching at the University of Houston, running her own dance studios, and choreographing for Theatre, Incorporated, Playhouse Theatre, and Hollywood movies. She inspired thousands of dance students, many of whom went on to become professionals in the performing arts, and instilled in all students a strong work ethic and set of values. With that said, she was most proud of her family and thought her greatest achievement was being the mother of five children. 

Of course, Patsy had one very famous student, her beloved son Patrick, known as “Buddy” to family and friends. The book will touch on the relationship between Patsy and Buddy. Another renowned student is Jaclyn Smith, who kindly granted a full-length interview about her experiences with Patsy. In her role as choreographer for Urban Cowboy, Patsy taught dance steps to John Travolta, and that will be covered as well. 

Patsy was a pioneer in opening her dance classes and her heart to all students, regardless of race, economic, or cultural background, and this was no small feat in the fifties and sixties in Houston. In addition, Patsy was known to be extremely philanthropic. 

I want to thank the interviewees for their enthusiasm, support, and time they put forth for the book. Many of them said that Patsy’s story needs to be told and she deserves recognition that she never fully received. I have attempted to place the interviews in the approximate time sequence of when the person first had contact with Patsy, so that her story can be told in a somewhat organized manner. Many of the interviewees had a lifelong relationship with Patsy. 

Patsy Swayze continues to touch the lives of multitudes of people, including mine, for which I am grateful.

 

About the Author

Sue Tabashnik

Sue Tabashnik published her last book PATRICK SWAYZE The Dreamer in
September 2017. This book presents how Swayze’s focus on dreams for himself
and others sustained him and guided him to live a zest-filled and hopeful
life even while dealing with great adversity. Her earlier two unique Dirty
Dancing tribute books are The Fans’ Love Story: How the Movie DIRTY DANCING
Captured the Hearts of Millions! (July 2010) and The Fans’ Love Story
ENCORE: How the Movie DIRTY DANCING Captured the Hearts of Millions!
(December 2013).

She became a fan of Patrick Swayze in 1988. She was an active member of the
Official Patrick Swayze International Fan Club from 2000-2010, which
included writing numerous articles for the club magazine. She had the good
fortune to meet Patrick Swayze several times at movie screenings and benefit
events from 2002-2004, which led her to become an even bigger fan. She also
had the great pleasure of meeting Patsy Swayze at a film event in
2003.

Sue worked as a master’s level psychiatric social worker from 1977-2022.
Sue has lived most of her life in the Detroit area. Author website:
https://www.likedirtydancing.com.

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LEAD IN LIFE Virtual Book Tour

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Succeed in the New Era of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion

Business / Leadership / Biography

 

Date Published: September 28, 2021

What do a single rose in a crystal vase, a box of tomatoes, a knitting needle, a basketball, and a tingling earlobe have in common? They are all signals to Dr. Laura Murillo to live life to the fullest every day. A high-energy, results-focused change agent in the diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) space, her undeniable passion for life stands as the foundation for her personal and professional brand.

As President and CEO of the award-winning Houston Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, she has the uncanny ability to see a situation, not for what it is, but for what it can be. In Lead in Life, People. Passion. Persistence: Succeed in the New Era of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion, Murillo guides readers through the incredible, sometimes devastating, and victorious experiences that comprise her success—from earning a doctorate while pregnant, parenting a toddler, managing a parent’s illness, and working full time, to hosting multiple TV and radio shows in English and Spanish concurrently, and being appointed to the Washington, DC Federal Reserve Board’s Community Advisory Council, and more.

She uses her lived experiences as the daughter of immigrants, a woman, an executive, a media producer and host to inform her perspectives and insights as an authority on DEI, guiding corporations, organizations, and institutions to adopt a genuine culture of DEI. In this new era of DEI, corporations must make a solid, lasting commitment to full representation, fairness, and inclusion of all voices in every decision, at every level of a corporation, all the time.

Lead in Life illustrates why everyone in a corporation has value and a voice that must be heard.

 

LEAD IN LIFE stack of books

EXCERPT

CHAPTER 1 

CHOICES 

We came from nowhere. My mom and I were running errands for the day and had just finished exchanging some items at Gulfgate Mal on a beautiful, sunny Saturday morning. There H was nothing unusual about the day, except a feeling in my gut. 

As we pul ed into the parking spot, I noticed to the left and front of the spot there were bushes, small shrubs—no big deal. Yet, something inside me whispered, “Don’t park there.” I didn’t pay much attention to the voice. After all, we were just running in to return a few things, and then we would be out and on our way. Not listening to my intuition that day ultimately changed my entire life. 

At eighteen years old and fresh out of high school, I had the world in the palm of my hand. I felt invincible and I believed I could succeed at just about anything I set my mind to. I had developed an unshakable focus and a dogged work ethic while working at my dad’s neighborhood restaurant from the time I was ten years old. I started out just piddling around, waiting tables and helping in the kitchen. Over time, I took on new responsibilities, like greeting customers, cashing out the register at the end of the day, and ordering supplies, all the necessary tasks of running a family business. By engaging with the employees, I was able to speak a lot of Spanish and appreciate the hard work they did every day to feed their families. As the youngest of nine, I was the one who tagged along with my dad to the restaurant. I felt a deep connection to both of my parents and was honored to have a solid relationship with both of them. 

With our errands complete, and back at the car, I slid into the driver’s seat of my shiny red 1985 Ford Thunderbird, a graduation gift from my dad. As soon as my mom opened the passenger-side door and eased down into the seat, a man appeared on her side, startling us both. 

He pushed her into the seat, reached across her body, and aimed his gun just inches from my head. His voice was rough with anger, his breathing quick with the urgency to get what he had come for, whatever that was. 

“Get out of the car now!” He said. “Leave everything. Get out now.” 

“No, no, no!” my mom screamed, shaking uncontrol ably, unable to move from her seat. 

With a quick glance at the perpetrator, I took stock of him. He was about twenty years old, slender, and tal , wearing a green T-shirt and blue jeans. Somehow, I managed to remain calm, almost too calm. “Take what you want,” I said. “Just let us get out of the car.” 

As he pressed the gun into my right temple, his hand shook, and I could feel the vibration of his nervous grip on the handle with his finger on the trigger. When I didn’t move, he pressed the barrel even further against my flesh. I turned my head slightly towards him and looked deep into his eyes, searching for an indication that there was at least an ounce of reason within him, something that would ignite the compassion to spare my mom and me from any further trauma. Instead, all I saw in his eyes was desperation and anger. With my mom still screaming and nearly hyperventilating, a frightening thought crossed my mind. Oh my God, he’s going to kil me in front of my mother, and he’s going to kil her too.  Despite the urgency of the moment, I felt terrible that she would have to witness such a scene. No parent should ever have to experience that kind of tragedy. 

“Get out!” the gunman shouted, louder this time, with more anger and desperation and the gun firmly against my head. “I’m not playing with you.” 

Then came the sound, like an echo in a dark room, bouncing off cement wal s. Click!  He pul ed the trigger and, with that simple act, had the power to destroy my life. My eyes shut tightly and my shoulders raised to my ears in tense anticipation, ready to feel the pain of the bul et entering my head and exploding. In a mil isecond, I envisioned the horror of remnants of my brain tissue splattered throughout the vehicle, covering my mom, the car seats, the windshield. Yet, that simple click yielded nothing. The gun had jammed. With uncontrol ably shaking hands, I quickly grabbed the driver’s side door handle and pushed the door open. 

“Mommy!” I yel ed. She was frozen with fear, unable to exit on the passenger side, where the gunman leaned across her body. With little thought, I took hold of her hand and snatched her petite body across the center console and out my door, her shoes still on the floor where her feet had been. In what seemed like one swift movement, the gunman hopped into the passenger seat, slid over to the driver’s side, and drove off, leaving my mom and me standing in the parking lot of Gulfgate Mal , shaking and in shock. I watched the car speed away, the strap of my mom’s purse dangling out the passenger door. Relieved that we were still alive, I stood there, holding my mom tightly, and we cried. 

In the days that fol owed, I was terrified that the gunman would find us and try to kill us. He had driven off with not only my car, but also with our purses, which included all our identification. My mind went wild, thinking of all the things he could do with that information. To help ease my concerns, my dad changed the locks on every door in our house. We canceled our credit cards and got new ones. I got a new driver’s license and replaced all the other items that were stolen. Stil , I was in a state of panic, afraid to leave the house and afraid to be there. I felt like a prisoner in my own home. My mind created scenarios of the gunman regretting that he didn’t shoot us and coming after us to finish the job. There I was, eighteen years old, having been held at gunpoint, and I was a total wreck. My life had been spared and it was just beginning, but I was afraid to live it. 

College was next in my future, and I knew the transition would bring a very different experience from my years at Austin High School, where my classmates voted me Most Likely to Succeed, Most Popular, and Class President, and where I graduated with honors among the top five percent of my peers. Austin High School is in the Houston Independent School District located in Houston’s East End. 

By the time I entered college, I was working three jobs—at the family restaurant, at my sister Lupe’s beauty salon, and at a radio station. 

I didn’t know what I wanted to do when I grew up, but I loved helping people and I thought being a journalist, in some capacity, would be important because I saw so few people in that space who looked liked me. With so much on my plate, I buried my emotions about the car-jacking and didn’t tell anyone about the emotional turmoil I was experiencing, partly because I didn’t want anyone to pity me and also because I didn’t want to feel like a victim. I was losing days and weeks, focused on what could have been instead of being grateful for what was. 

In short, I was living in fear. 

Even more than the fear, I felt a grave sense of guilt for having put my mom in harm’s way. I blamed myself for not trusting my intuition that told me not to park in the spot. My poor decision could have ended both our lives. I was overwhelmed with guilt that I had endangered my mother’s life. Interestingly, my mother’s response was to panic at the moment of the attack, but fol owing the incident, she was surprisingly calm and thankful to God that nothing happened to either of us. Our responses were so different, and whether I realized it or not, I learned by watching how my mother responded to the event. She was resilient and she quickly moved on, even though I still suffered from the trauma. 

Thankfully, about three weeks later, the police arrested the gunman and found he was tied to a string of similar crimes in other states. That didn’t do much to ease my mind. I was still traumatized by the incident, and I worried I would never be able to function normal y. Everything startled me. I knew my fears were unfounded since the gunman had been caught, but fear had carved out a place in my mind that caused me to isolate myself from the world, from my life. 

One day, while at home alone, I began saying aloud to myself, 

“Mom’s okay, you’re okay. Everything is going to be okay.” I paced the floor of my bedroom, ringing my hands and staring at my feet as I placed one foot in front of the other. “Mom survived. You survived. You are here, now, and you have to live.” It was as if someone outside of me was giving a pep-talk, hoping to snap me out of a darkness that threatened my existence. I was a young woman with a future, but I had allowed a terrible experience to paralyze me with fear. I knew I couldn’t go on living like that. I realized then that I wanted more. I wanted to live. That strong desire ignited in me a resiliency I didn’t know was there. I realized I had a choice. I could either let that one person, that one incident, control and overpower me, or I could use that experience to my benefit, as an opportunity to strengthen myself. I chose life and made a conscious decision to live every moment with urgency, to be joyful, more appreciative, more thoughtful, and more engaged with each person in my life. An incredible zest for life was created, and I wil ingly embraced it. 

My decision to release the fear and instead embrace the power to control my thoughts and actions felt wonderful. Somewhere deep inside, a determination grew that would not allow one person to keep me from being the best I could be. Instead, I realized how fortunate I was to survive being held at gunpoint and that I would not let my life be in vain. 

Despite how traumatic that event had been, neither my mom nor I had been physical y hurt, and I was grateful for that. In fact, the incident made us even closer than we had been. It was a strange, terrible experience only the two of us shared. Yet, I had to choose how I would live with it. I chose to acknowledge that everything was okay, that I was resilient, and that I would persist in every endeavor going forward. 

I transitioned from fear, guilt, and grief to joy, happiness, and a zest for life. My appreciation for life grew daily, and I became obsessed with living my life to the ful est. My focus turned to accomplishing as much as I could. I decided that whatever I put in my mind to do, I would do it and take nothing for granted. From then on, I committed to live every moment with urgency and passion. That single decision was a pivotal choice point in my life, allowing me to see the power and impact of my resiliency and the value of taking these lessons from life experiences and moving forward with people, passion, and persistence. 

About the Author

Dr. Laura Murillo

Dr. Laura Murillo is the President and CEO of the Houston Hispanic Chamber of Commerce. Under her leadership, the Chamber has set unprecedented records in membership and revenue, becoming one of the most influential Chambers in the nation, a clear testament to her exceptional leadership. The youngest of nine children, Laura Murillo was born to Mexican immigrant parents and was raised in Houston’s East End/Magnolia, where she began working at age ten at her family’s restaurant. She is the proud mother of Marisa and Mia, both graduates of St. John’s School in River Oaks. Marisa earned a mechanical engineering degree from Columbia University, in New York City, and is an astrophysics researcher. Mia is a sophomore at Georgetown University in Washington DC and maintains highest honors.

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