Tag Archives: Self-Help

Beating the Odds

As I write this Introduction, I can happily say that I have beat the odds –

and rather handily. The latest statistics show that in the United States,

life expectance for males is 73.2 years, down from 74.2 years in the prior

study. In a recent study, women’s life expectancy dropped by .8 years

from 79.9 years in 2020 to 79.1 years. So, at age 85, I have reached what

the experts consider to be “Exceptional Longevity.” Thank You.

Mentor and Guide

Throughout my most recent forty-two years on this beautiful yet messy

planet, I have taken on various roles, including that of a business owner

with over 40 employees. Alongside providing employment, I have also

acted as a mentor and guide to my staff, offering advice, guidance, and

support for life’s challenges. This is a responsibility that I have gladly

accepted, as I saw the need for it and wanted to help in any way. As a

Deacon in a congregation of more than 700 families, a spouse of 63

years, a father, grandfather, and great-grandfather, I have heard and, by

association, experienced the difficulties of single men and women desiring

a suitable partner and a longer- term relationship in what has become

a mostly “hook up” culture. For those with a genuine desire for longevity,

the sorting out process can be exhausting and have a high failure rate.

Also, those who sincerely desire longevity are often accused of having

“unreasonable expectations.”

I have heard the woes and blessings (more woes, of course, for these

are the ones seeking advice on how to improve their relationships) of

spouses (men and women) with every range of marital issues: infidelity,

incompatibility, lack of respect, not being appreciated, worry, fear, in-law

issues, addictions, pregnancy, sexual dissatisfaction, and rebelliously troublesome

children. Many of these were longer-term married people who

had experienced some of these issues from the onset but never took steps

to improve their situation. Some of these issues spread across the spectrum

of second and third marriages with blended families. Additionally,

I have provided pastoral visitations at jails and prisons and counseled

people with fear, anxiety, scrupulosity, stress, depression, unhappiness,

and pessimism issues.

Imparting Wisdom and Advice

I live on both sides of the Pulpit. Formally preaching and always being

pressed to impart wisdom and advice on a long list of issues we face in

our present culture are areas in which I have extensive experience. My

teenagers and yours are trying to navigate a world they did not create but

find themselves living in. They do not realize that we, their parents and

grandparents, are trying to do the same. Cultural changes are difficult

to navigate, and many may differ from what is best for their well-being

and ours.

Rebellion happens because teens’ needs, experiences, and behavioral patterns

are much more influenced by social media than by family ties. This,

too, is a reality that most adults in their families have difficulty relating

to, which causes everyone’s patience to be short and stress to be high.

Whether it be smartphone time and content, raging hormones, or just

the frustration of being old enough to make some decisions in their life –

our teens are torn between the culture and parents and grandparents

whose highest motives, for the most part, are love and wanting what is

best for them. Like it or not, we are all a part of this current generation

heavily tethered to our smartphones, and it is only getting worse.

We can all use some abstinence, but the pull is so pervasive that we are

going the other way. According to the latest statistics, Baby Boomers

(1946-1964) spend 52% of their day on their smartphones. Gen X

(1965-1979) and Millennials (1980-1994) spend 67% of their day, and

Gen Z (1995-2012) spends 76% of their day on their smartphones. So,

instead of railing at teens for spending so much time on the phone, start

by cutting your time back and showing an example that it can be done.

Your teens will not believe it can be done because they see you as unable

or unwilling to be more disciplined. You might want to make it a family

project. Making time for family dinner or whatever meal is convenient

at home or in a restaurant with the provision that everyone keeps their

phone tucked away and allows it to take messages.

Lengthen Your Life and Make You Happier

Each chapter in this book is focused on a positive attribute that seeks to

lengthen your life, make you happier, and put you more in control. In

some cases, I will also present the opposite (harmful habit or practice)

that could take years off your life expectancy and most likely contribute

to the unhealthy practices we sometimes engage in. Additionally, practical

steps, processes, and behavioral patterns are illustrated to lead you to

live a longer life and attain a level of happiness that will make your days

and years more joy-filled, positive, and lengthened.

Over the years, through personal counseling, writing, preaching, and

taking enough time to listen and care, I have helped thousands of people

in various situations to see things on a brighter side and enjoy life more.

So, I felt that it was time for me to write this book, “Living Longer,

Happier and More in Control of Your Emotions and Circumstances.”

“Circumstances do not make the (person). They

just reveal him to himself. Once revealed,

progress can take place.” – Dale Carnegie.

Faith Factor

I will also introduce a concept I identify as a Faith Factor. In every aspect

of life, there is a Faith Factor. As you read this book or engage in any

study, you will exercise a certain amount of faith in receiving the data,

statistics, research, examples, and advice presented. You have a choice

to painstakingly verify every bit of data submitted to assure its 100%

accuracy or to exercise a reasonable amount of faith that since stating that

I took the time and effort to check and recheck the accuracy of the data,

(this is one of my passions in life, to dig beneath the surface of things and

find its core value or fault and I take it very seriously) you will presume

it is accurate and move on. There is probably not a day that you and I do

not exercise the Faith Factor.

In our homes, we flip a light switch, and without understanding the

intricate details about how electrical currents do what they do to produce

light when we flip the light switch, we expect the light to come on, and

it does. Our water faucet acts similarly. We know that water comes from

the ‘pipes’ somewhere in and under our house, but in faith, we turn the

spigot on, and water comes out.

When driving our car, the faith factor is present in more severe ways. If

we are on a two-lane road with traffic running opposite ways, we keep

on our side of the line, having faith that the drivers coming in the opposite

direction will stay on their side of the line and not cause a head-on

collision.

Each time we fly in an airplane, the faith factor kicks in a notch higher.

We get on the plane without understanding how this large vehicle with

bunches of passengers manages to stay in the sky while we are in the air

and then land on the ground safely when it reaches our destination. But

we shrug off the doubts and board the plane.

So, when it comes to the Faith Factor process, many of us act spontaneously

based on practicality, experience, and need, which primarily

works well for us. Going forward, we will build on these good traits to

take them to the next level of success.

By acknowledging acts of faith that we perform daily, we can reflect on the

existence of a benevolent power greater than ourselves and other human

beings. As A Deacon of the Catholic Church, I tend to rely on the faith

and its teachings as my go-to faith factor. So, as you will see in the preceding

chapters, I have dedicated this section to its values, principles, and

teachings. I believe that spirituality in life is very important. Hopefully,

you will find peace, blessing, and meaning in the biblical teachings I have

incorporated in this book.

“The ultimate purpose of life is to find joy,

contentment, and satisfaction in one’s pursuits

and relationships.” – Thomas Aquinas.

Purpose of this book

Finally, there are many books written by therapists and other trained

clinicians on the topics of anxiety and fear, along with their ancillary

effects on life. These therapeutic approaches promote such techniques as

CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), which includes muscle relaxation

and meditation, Cognitive Restructuring Exposure Therapy (CRET),

Relaxation Techniques, Present Moment Awareness (PMA), and various

forms of exercise. The list goes on. While I am not dismissing the efficacy

of these and other forms of therapy and techniques, current statistical

evidence reports that 1 in 5 American adults continue, each year, to suffer

from anxiety and fear and their ancillary effects.

Consequently, the purpose of this book is not to repeat these methods in

detail but to look at newer aspects of our broader behavioral patterns that

lead to reduced life expectancy, constant stressors, negative contributions

to healthy relationships, and the things that rob us of our happiness.

To that end, each chapter will deal with the broader topic of personal

growth and development to help you first understand root causes and

apply manageable techniques that lead you to find the courage and peace

to become the person you desire to be.